Perfection

For most of my life I have struggled with perfectionism - in my studies, work, personal life, and even my yoga practice.

Growing up, I was afraid to try new things, in case I could not do them perfectly. I was hard on myself, pushing myself in school, often to the point of stress-induced illness. This pattern continued into adulthood in my work and relationships.  

As a new mother, I drove myself crazy trying to be the perfect parent while keeping up with unrealistic self-imposed standards for housework, work, and other pursuits, thinking I should be able to do it all and do it perfectly. However, my sleep-averse spirited baby made it clear that I was no longer in control, and my standards started to slip. I felt like a sleep-deprived failure. Not only was the house dirty and my son's first-year scrapbook unfinished and abandoned, but I was also not enjoying motherhood and that seemed like the biggest failure of all.

Through all this, my yoga practice changed. With one, and then two children, I had less time to practice. I was forced to adapt, settling for 10 stolen minutes at home instead of the hour-long classes I was used to. My all-or-nothing attitude and drive for perfection nearly caused me to quit yoga for good.

But I stuck with it, and my relationship with yoga evolved. Instead of focusing on my tight hamstrings and comparing myself to others, I softened my edge and released expectations. I came to enjoy the internal exploration, the beauty of the practice, the perfection of the present moment just as it is. By embracing this true essence of yoga, I learned to let go of the ideal of perfection, choosing instead to see perfection in the imperfection. Through yoga, I found self-acceptance—flaws, tight hamstrings, and all.

Today, yoga is what keeps me sane and grounded. I nurture my practice in the same way I nurture my children. Although my boys are older and more self-sufficient now, life is still crazy sometimes and I often struggle.

But that's life. I now know that perfection is just an illusion, and with that knowledge comes a kind of freedom, a lightness, and an opening for happiness.

Come and find your own freedom through yoga. I'm still teaching Monday nights at Elation Centre in Westboro: "Vinyasa Fundamentals" at 5:30.  Hope to see you there!